Saturday, April 23, 2011

dreaming of baby

we are both almost asleep. out of the darkness-

gar says:
we're going to have a baby in the house. for the last time. the baby smell, his soft little neck. i'll bring him to you to nurse. it's weird knowing it's the last. every stage he goes through will be the last. i could tell he was excited and a little sad at the same time.

yeah, it's strange knowing a chapter of our lives will be closed. done. and every experience will be the last. i'm getting really excited. and really nervous.
with each new baby it's the same. you wish for health of mind and body. you wonder who he will look like. what kind of disposition he will have.

then it was quiet.

i forget. did all my babies move this much? did they keep me awake kicking and flipping? did they kick at gar's back when i snuggled to him at night? i know alex infiltrated my ribs. and also flipped & got tangled while i was in labor- causing an emergency c-section.

i'm exhausted but the thoughts keep coming.

is there room for this baby? how can i squeeze more square footage out of this house? what more can i toss? how can the closets be more effective?

what are the kids going to do while i'm recovering from the c-section? will they fight and yell all day through the summer? how many activities can i prepare for them? i can make a few summer shelves in the hall closet. stocked with games, bubbles, chalk, movie tickets, a jar of ideas for activities (81 to be exact), board games, light brite, card games, etc... what else could fit?

i need to measure the boys closet for bins. it needs an overhaul that includes a shelf for baby. i need to make a list for ikea.

and then what about...

and that's usually when i fall asleep.

graphics: here and here.


Connie Miles said...

I had to go wipe the tears and blow my nose before coming back to comment. I am touched by Garrett's thoughts. I'm happy to know that he gets it. He finally gets it.

The Hale Fam said...

I too found myself crying as I read your post. There are many things I look forward to about having older kids and watching their personalities emerge even more. But I will forever miss the softest skin of a baby snuggled in my neck. It is hard to let go of that and know a chapter is closing. I am so happy to hear that you are getting closer to seeing your miracle. And so happy that both you and Garrett are smart enough to cherish the "lasts" that are around the corner. Love ya, Sorella!