getting the best out of your kids (before they get the best of you) -dr. kevin leman
we had the most wonderful book club!!
two things that stuck:
the law of creative consistency: the memories your subconscious chooses to retain most vividly will show a clear relationship to your lifestyle.
a good 'game' to play with the kids- taking turns -
1 can you remember any special things that happened to you when you were small?
2 what's your earliest memory?
3 how did what happened that day make you feel?
4 how do you feel now, looking back on that day?
5 how would you have changed the situation if you could have?
6 what is the clearest part of that memory?
7 would you like to go back to that day and do it all over again?
8 why, or why not?
9 what was i doing at the time?
10 did you feel in control of the situation?
11 did you feel helpless?
12 what are some of the other earliest memories you have?
from the answers you can:
get a pretty good idea of the lifestyle he is developing.
see how he relates to people- or why he relates to people the way he does.
i was happy to read this. i can help 'shape' my kids memories!! what a relief. alex brings up his near-drowning often and i try to talk him through it and make him feel better about it. it was 2.5 yrs. ago and he remembers it vividly. :( ouch.
i asked myself these questions about my childhood- and then did it with bailey and alex. interesting stuff. they liked it and took turns talking about all the fun memories they have.
*build good memories
to overshadow the negative
Do you redo what your child has done?
kids setting the table
making their bed
cleaning the mirror
let it go.
have you ever smiled at them, tell them they did a great job -as you smooth the wrinkles, pull up the sheets, and fluff the pillow? your actions are saying- 'what you did wasn't quite good enough.'
an obsession with perfection-
leads to a defeated perfectionist-
he cannot accept what he does, regardless of how well he does it, and has a need to put himself down. (i think i am creating one- and i want to change that!)
*look for the positive
*let it go